I don't know where things are headed.

Last week one of the worst i've ever had. Everyday, something went wrong. This week, i wanted to change that. And i guess i succeeded. Nothing explicitly terrible has happened since Sunday, but i feel like my days are running together. I've barely seen Gnick all week due to it being the week of the latest play at school. I hope to see him Sunday, but he has a life too and i don't know if that's going to happen.

I can't tell you three things i did this week. I can't tell you what day i finished the book i was reading. I can't tell you what i wore. Everything has run together, like some depressing temporal soup.

I feel like i'm in an emotional prison.

Everyday, i woke up at six, got ready, went to school. I saw some people and talked to them. I sat through class. I went home and got on the computer for a while. At six, i went to bed and repeated this process. There was no interesting quibbles, no out-of-the-blue events. Nothing. Every day i did the same things.

Today, i got home and started crying for no reason. I got online, no one else was. I called Gnick, but he could only talk for five minutes. I feel like Bill Murray in Groundhog Day. I wake up to the same surroundings. But i don't know what i have to do to break this spell. I have no idea what task i could possibly do to save myself from the monochromatic days i've been going through. Maybe there's nothing i can do.

All i can hope is that next week is better. Gnick won't have tech, so maybe he can break this. But i'm tired of saying "next week will be better". That's what i said Sunday. Maybe this week is better, but only in that crushingly depressive sameness is slightly nicer than day-after-day drama.

And i don't know what put me in this funk. Maybe it was Gnick, with his new responsibilities. Maybe it was all of the things that happened last week. But more probably, it was myself. Whatever i did to bring this on, i wish i could take it back. If i have to live through another week of this, much less another month or year, i don't know what i'm going to do. Eventually, i'll be desperate to be able to differentiate between days. I'm not sure how, but i can tell you that some of the viable options are rather detrimental. But when a fork comes in your path, you have to choose when there's no going back. Because there never is.

Goodbye.

PS: If you read any part of this, even just this sentance, tell me. I need to know that someone else exists.